Why the LEGO? It all started here…

(and what’s going on with those space shorts dude?!)

If you’d have asked mini me aged 8 what job I wanted when I grow up? I’d have said:

“I want to be a LEGO designer.”

Why LEGO? LEGO taught me to design, to innovate, to play with purpose. It gave me a toolbox and challenged me to translate the images in my head into different configurations of little coloured blocks. One moment I would be creating scenes in Space, the next, a bustling port at the end of a railway network, and then I would be pulling it all apart and merrily sorting it into size, shape, colour, and function, before putting it into old Neapolitan ice-cream tubs. There was always endless possibilities and a feeling of wonder, whilst I mixed and remixed the worlds I wanted to create. It was my happy place.

Ever since, ideas have been my currency and I’ve had a desire to design and construct new stuff.

Then I got a job.

What was life like? What did you do day to day? What was the norm before the storm?

I spent the next twenty years working for IBM. I had it all: a wife, two children, a great salary, even a company car. And every year I’d say, “I'm leaving, this isn't the company for me.”

But I never made a change, I was too scared to leave. Held back by the belief that I was lucky to have got this job and that no-one else would employ me for the same salary. Imagining that they'd discover that I was as stupid as my head constantly told me I was. I was scared, so I stayed.

What has made your journey to this point more difficult? What challenges have you faced?

Then depression hit. I spent years swinging in and out of depression, feeling numb to the world and shutting down. During my marriage we agreed to split responsibilities, while she focussed on being mum I committed myself to my job and bringing in the paycheck. I often blamed the long hours and late nights on the company. When in reality it was down to me. I didn’t want to deal with my life. I didn’t want to take responsibility for my situation. I started to shut down, chose addictions over connection and I became a vacant, empty shell of who I was. And my wife and I ended what we’d created.

And during all of this, there was always that quiet voice whispering,

“This isn’t it. This isn’t you!”

When did it all change? At what moment did you realise what you wanted/ or needed to do?

I used to go running. It was a time to be on my own, to escape, and to have some freedom. During the dark days it became a bad place to be. A place where the voices in my head got louder and louder. One afternoon on a trail near my home, I was found sobbing at the edge of a path by a mum from the local school. "Are you ok?!" She asked. “No, not really.” I answered.

That breakdown was my wake up call. But not a big enough one.

Once again, I tried to escape. I started up a few businesses of my own, I had a string of relationships, and I remained stuck in my old patterns. I didn't leave IBM; I was never passionate enough about my businesses to make them a success and continued to trash my life.

(“This isn’t it. This isn’t you!”)

I thought that was just how it was and how it would always be. But then a partner offered me the opportunity to study at the Landmark Forum; a personal development course that allows you to take responsibility for your past and put it in the past. It was my way out! And it was then I realised that there could be another way, other than just doing what I'd always done. I chose a way out. I chose the Landmark Forum. I chose me.

What are you doing now? As of this moment, what's happening?

This started me on a journey, where I discovered that I wasn’t who I thought I was, and that I had a choice each day to show up as ‘me’ in life. Who the hell even was ‘me’?! As I started to do ‘the work’ on myself, I realised I could unpick and unlearn all that I was, bypass all the unhealthy behaviours, and could remember who I truly was - my ‘self’. But I discovered that I didn’t have to find him after all. He was never lost. He was always there, he was that familiar, quiet voice. It was more of an uncovering, a remembering.

Over the last five years I've taken on my own remembering, passed through the dark shadows, gone to war with myself, and have come to realise that who he is, is a gift. As I've started to shine, I've realised that we all hold that same gift, a diamond, we just need to clean the dirt off and polish it up. Part of my gift and purpose in life is to see and inspire others, to help them do their own remembering.

I left IBM in 2020, have since created the most beautiful partnership with my beloved, and realised that another thing that lights me up is being a runner; a very long-distance runner apparently (my next challenge is 100 miles in a day, why not?). I've developed my style of coaching to guide others on their journey, to bring an innovators mindset, and to get curious, to play and experiment with who they are? And what they love to do?

What do you want? Where are you headed? What is next for you?

I want to teach and bring people together for positive change. What I want is a world that works and I believe that the route there is through 'authenticity'.

My background is in design and innovation, and what I discovered is that we're not going to design a world that works by coming up with better fixes, like bleaching the sky to stop global warming. The route there, is through learning how to be ourselves and come together? Combining pure human ingenuity, our own unique gifts, our grit and the messiness of being human. To take the steps forward and through; to learn how to truly collaborate, and act from a place directed by the heart and soul, and not determined by ego. So that together we can design a world that works.

And it begins with our ‘self’.